Client Spotlight: An example for my daughter

With permission and free of identifying factors, I am sharing the following experience from on of my clients. In her own words…

As I near the end of my sessions with Devrie, she recommended I look back from where I started to see the progress I have made over the last 6 months.

I re-read my first journal entry where I wrote down my “why” and read this:

I am doing this because I want to stop hating my body. I want to have a respectful, loving relationship with myself.

I remember when I first decided I loved my husband. He had already told me he loved me but I was being cautious. One night, we had an amazing conversation. I told him all of my insecurities, fears, struggles, hopes and dreams that I hadn’t expressed to him yet. I was vulnerable and nervous he would reject me or take back his love but he was so good. He made me feel safe, comfortable and at peace. I knew I could love him because I could trust him with my deepest insecurities and greatest joys.

I feel like I’m in that process with my body. I’m still being cautious and I’m not quite sure if I love my body yet. But I’ve been slowly learning that I can trust it. As I listen, honor and respect it in the way it needs, it shows up for me, it allows me to do amazing things and is a tool for good.  I’m happy to say that it’s been a while since I have felt hatred toward my body - which is huge! I still have bad body image days but I have been able to bounce back quicker and remind myself that ALL BODIES are GOOD BODIES! I also feel like these last 6 months, I have freed up space in my brain for things that matter more to me than having a smaller body. I have explored new hobbies and discovered new talents that I enjoy.

I’ve been consistent in moving my body - this is something I feel so proud about. Movement has been so helpful to me, mentally and physically. I haven’t noticed changes in my body size but since that is not my motivation or focus, I have continued and ENJOYED going to the gym for the first time in my life. I feels good to give my body what it needs and wants. I have become more in tune with my body and have become better at honoring it’s needs without shame or judgment. I’m definitely not perfect at it, but I don’t think perfection is a realistic goal anyway.

My husband and daughter were also a part of my WHY. My husband and I both share similar struggles with body image and there was a point I was worried I was turning into my mom. I would be so caught up in how much food he was eating and started to nag or question his decisions around food. As I have worked on making peace with food, I have been able to allow my husband to do the same. I never want to shame him or make him feel like he can’t trust his body.

My sweet daughter. She is really one of the biggest reasons I have become so passionate about this. I want to be a mom that helps her discover her passions, help her enjoy life and not obsess over food or her body. I know that with the culture we live it, I can’t protect her from all diet culture, but I feel so much more prepared to help guide her through all the muck.

This journey has been more than physical and mental for me. I feel like I have grown spiritually as well - which was also one of my WHYs. I wrote:
I want to be able to receive the inspiration I need as a wife and mother to safeguard my family from the crap that satan is trying to throw at us. I can’t be a fierce defender of the faith if I am constantly worried about myself! That’s what satan wants. He wants me to be so focused on myself and hating who I am that I don’t spend the time feeding and nourishing my spirit.

I’ve always known and believed fiercely that I am a daughter of God and that He loves me, but I’ve also felt that I needed to “overcome” my body - that my spirit was pleasing to God, but my body wasn’t. I remember nights praying to Heavenly Father to take away my hunger so I would eat less, to motivate me to exercise more, to just help me lose weight! There was even a time - a very disordered time in my life - where I thought a diet I was on was helping me live the Word of Wisdom better and that was why I was losing weight. I have since come to realize that Heavenly Father loves the body I am in right now. He doesn’t care how big or small my pants size is. He does care that I take care of my body in the best way possible and that I use it as an instrument in His hands to do good, but that’s it. I am so grateful for this reassurance and compassion I have felt through all of this.

My time with Devrie is up but my time on this journey is just beginning. This will be a life long journey of discovery, trust and respect. I know life ebbs and flows and I will have good and bad days in regards to my food and body, but I have become a pickle and we know that once a cucumber becomes a pickle, there is no going back.